My REAL Addiction

Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.Among the core characteristics of codependency, the most common theme is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity.

So I’ve not written for some time. Mostly bc of the fact that I’m always busy. I’ve had time to reflect over the crazy stuff that I’ve called a life for the past decade, and well I’m learning a lot of why I’ve done what I have for so long.

My real addiction is being codependent.(definition above y’all )

In other words, Ive had to realize that other than my children, I’ve never truly loved anyone properly. I thought I knew what Love was, and that I loved with all I had. But with my version of it, I had to earn love. I had to fix or help or give to get someone to Love me. I see now love is a freely given thing. It cannot be forced or bargained for. It’s not something you have to beg for , or prove. It just is. I never knew that. All my life I’ve been trying to prove to people that I’m worth something. That if they would just let me show them that I had all this heart and soul to give ; that if I worked hard enough one would see what I was worth.

After all these years, I finally see the pattern that I’ve set up for myself. And I take responsibility for allowing that to be my perception/reality for so long. I no longer wish to prove shit.

I now see that when Love does come around, it’s not a contest. It will be natural, no proving anything. And most of all. Love doesn’t hurt or leave. It’s not meant to be hard.

I have been addicted to trying to save people, and I’m now trying to fix how I see people. I have a better understanding of how people are made to be saved by Our Savior. That’s the only one. And to lie to myself and think I’m capable of such a task has been some extreme thinking. I’m just glad that Our Savior has decided to open my eyes and realize that it’s time for me to let Him do the fixing in me. I am ready to let go of the control and let be what’s going to be.

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud

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