Everything happens at once.

So I’ve not posted for a minute because of a lot going on in my personal life. Besides the enormous task of coming off of buprenorphine, (which has been not as bad as I thought, actually) My 10 year marriage has dissolved in the worst way ever. 

For the past 3 years, my husband has been stealing money and meds from me. I had a guy feeling this was happening and confronted him many times to him to deny it repeatedly. I do have ADHD and am on the Autism Spectrum so I thought ‘Man Imma Mess! Can’t ever keep up with things.’ Well I caught him red handed and he let me know it was my fault that he had to steal. 

Things escalated fast and for the 2nd (& last time) He choked me so hard I couldn’t breathe. I thought it was over. As if this isn’t crazy enough, our 8 year old daughter saw this. 

I called 911. He his where he belongs. But he could be getting out on bond. I’m so fucking confused I don’t know how I got here but I’m here nonetheless. 

I haven’t used in 6 days. Diarrhea, headaches, dizziness, and generally aching is really what has been the worst. And it’s been for 6 days no let up. Most drugs or opiates are out of your body in 72 hours. Not the case for me. 

I know that this is going to allow me to grow mentally and spiritually in many ways. But for today I feel sorry for myself. I won’t stay here , but it’s how I feel. I feel used and cheap. Worthless and unloveable. I know that is Satan speaking. I know God will get me and my children through. I just need a minute to mourn. I thought I knew the man I married better. It shows my lack of judgement. My life is just so crazy right now. 

I appreciated all the comments before , and if I have not responded it’s bc I haven’t had time to think. 

I will post more soon.  This is hope for someone out there that thinks they are stuck. I’m going through the hardest thing on top of withdrawals and I’m getting through it. If I can, so can you. It’s not easy but when you’ve reached your bs limit you will give it up. 

God Bless,

Emmy

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